When you have Social Anxiety, it is a major task to go to College or university. It’s such an overwhelming feeling when you need to face so many people, five days a week and you feel so stressed that it’s so tempting to stay home?
Social Anxiety is not just a phobia, it’s way more than that. It’s a whole inspiring disease actually, you have anxiety, you worry a lot, so you have an active mind, you sweat, you shake, you have facial tension and you are so aware of yourself. You just don’t know how to behave, you feel so overwhelmed by anxiety when you are around people of your school.
You might be the one who is sitting by himself or herself in the canteen. You might even avoid the canteen, because you find it too crowded. You might not have lunch, you are too afraid to eat, you probably feel self concious when you read out loud in class, you are afraid to get hurt by words, and you feel left out and an outsider.
This feeling is the worst you can have, and I want to tell you, I am the same. I dread going to school, I am so afraid of my classmates, if they like me, if they don’t dislike me, if they look at me strange, I have a lot of facial tension and I feel terrible going on my bike to school everyday, I just can’t breathe. I deal with hyperventilation.
It’s such a hell to feel like this everyday, this is why I dropped out.
But I’m going to try it again, after Summer holiday. Well it’s not really a holiday for me because I was at home practically all the time this year when I dropped out, but after Summer I will start once again. I hope it works out this time, but I know there’s a big chance that I feel this way again, Social Anxiety will trigger me to be tempted to stay at home. Where does this Social Anxiety come from? Why am I so afraid?
I think it’s a low self esteem, I find myself ugly, I don’t know how to behave, and I feel very aware of how I come across, and I am not good at small talk. If I was just good at small talk, I think fifty precent of the problem would’ve been solved. I just can’t talk with people, this makes it unbearable to be in social situations. But I do have moments that I speak with people, I do meet people sometimes, and sometimes It goes well, so I know I can speak, but I have this major fear… I can’t describe it.
Can anybody tell me what I should do? I sometimes feel so much pain of this, that I hate life, of course life is beautiful, I am blessed to have my family and pets. But why must I live such a misery?
I just needed to vent. thank you for following my blog. I write almost daily, be free to subscribe. Ciao.